A Sentiment about Grief

Grief is a natural and normal reaction to the death of someone important to you.

It is like the ocean, it comes in waves ebbing and flowing. Sometimes the psychological waters are calm and sometimes they boil over and it can be overwhelming. It can make you feel fragile, your stomach unsettled, and your mind fizzes with memories.

It is a very individual process, and it can be difficult to predict how any one person might react to a loss.

It is normal and healthy to feel and express intense and painful emotions

A bereaved person may experience a wide range of feelings, shock, sadness, anger, guilt, despair, relief, hope and acceptance. Bereaved people do not grieve in stages.

Grief is not linear, its chaotic, an all over the shop experience.

Expressions of grief help the bereaved learn how to live with the loss.

Painful feelings decrease in intensity over time with the compassionate support so the most important help you can offer is a willing ear. William Shakespeare said in Macbeth “Give sorrow words, the grief that does not speak knits up the o’er wrought heart and bids it break”

Stay in touch with them, periodically checking in, dropping by, or sending emails or cards.

Be willing to sit in silence. Don’t press if the grieving person doesn’t feel like talking. Often, comfort for them comes from simply being in your company.

Grief isn’t something you get over; it is something you get through and tears shed for another person are not a sign of weakness. They are a sign of pure heart.

Knowing what to say to a bereaved person can be difficult, but there are some things you can say to provide comfort and support. Here are some examples:

·   “I’m sorry for your loss” or “I’m sorry you’re going this”

·   “I’m here for you” or “I’m here to listen”

·   “I can’t imagine what you’re going through, but I’m here to support you”

·   “I’m thinking of you” or “You are in my thoughts and prayers”

·   “I’m here to help in any way I can”

·   “Tell me more about your loved one”

·   “It’s ok to feel however you’re feeling”

·   “I’m here to sit with you in silence if you need it”

·   “I’m here to support you through this difficult time”

·   “I’m so grateful to have known your loved one”

Lastly, a big shout out to condolence cards. The idea of someone taking the time and trouble to hand write a message, attach a stamp and walking to the post box is tremendously touching in a time of Instagram and snapchat.

So please remember grief is not a disorder, a disease, or a sign of weakness.

It is an emotional, physical, and spiritual necessity, the price we all pay for love. The only cure for grief is to grieve, so please equip yourself with the skills, knowledge and strategies to render assistance to people.

A special thankyou and much gratitude to Dr Michael Carr-Gregg for allowing me to use an exert of his writing.